When I Loved You

ate, you won’t earn any of the recognition you deserve even if you sacrifice your life.”

“What do you want me to do then?”

“You should stop.”

“What?” She still could not understand what he was trying to say.

“If you don’t want to end up dying while slaving away for the benefit of others, you should stop before you collapse again,” he explained, a bit coldly at that.

“I don’t understand what you are talking about.”

“Of course you wouldn’t.
You’ve only ever worked for others so far, never for yourself.”

Yiyoung could only blink, and Muyeol continued, “I’m taking advantage of you, too.”

“You’re really mean,” she commented.

“If you think I’m wrong, think of something to contradict me with.
Think, whether you’ve lived your life for your own sake, or for someone else in your life.
You can’t be a saint like Mother Theresa.”

From Muyeol’s perspective, Yiyoung seemed to be in a precarious position.
It was just a matter of time before she collapsed.
Unlike when she was younger, she wouldn’t be able to handle the consequences if that happened now.
It would probably take her a long time to recover; he knew so because of the look in her eyes.
It was different than before, he could see hints of disillusion in her eyes.

Yiyoung chewed on her lips as she tried to come up with something, anything to show him he was wrong, but it was all in vain.
In that moment, it dawned on her what kind of life she had been leading so far.

“Aren’t you tired of pleasing others constantly?” Muyeol said, a bit sardonically.

All of a sudden, she felt her chest burn with an urge to speak.
She couldn’t resist spitting out the scathing words, “I’m not sure you of all people can tell me such things.
Unlike you, I received my parents’ love growing up.”

Yiyoung immediately bit her tongue, regretting the harsh words.
She couldn’t believe she had stooped low enough to drag his family circumstance into the conversation, the one thing he was sensitive about.

But Muyeol seemed calm.
“I’m different from you.
I’m desensitized already, so I don’t get all emotional like you.”

‘What a know-it-all…’ Yiyoung refrained from voicing her thoughts when she looked him in the eyes, burying the sarcasm deep inside her.
She gazed into his emotionless eyes, tears pooling into her eyes.

She wiped away the tears with the back of her hand.
“I never knew the word ‘desensitize’ would make me feel this emotional.”

“It doesn’t matter because I don’t feel anything.
You… you are different from me.
You get stressed and worn-out.
So don’t care about others more than yourself.
Just be selfish and focus on your own life sometimes.”

Muyeol stood up, drawing closer to Yiyoung before reaching out to turn on the stove.
“It’s going to be hard in the beginning, but you’re going to be fine in the end.
Now scoot over, I’ll cook the ramen for you.”

Yiyoung silently watched him cook ramen.
She wanted to say something, but the scene in front of her was rare and delicate; she was afraid that if she spoke, then it would shatter in an instant.
So she just watched, trying to capture and engrave the moment in her heart.