When I Loved You

amen everyday.” 

“Aren’t you sick of it by now?”

“Surprisingly not.
So, are you going to eat it or not? I’m starving.”

“Alright,” Muyeol gave in, “let’s eat it.”

Yiyoung smiled excitedly.
“Just sit and wait.
I’ll make it real good!”

Muyeol obediently took a seat at the dining table, watching her as she put a pot of water on the stove and chopped some carrot, onions, and spring onions.
She seemed to be happy with being able to cook.
“How are you not feeling too lazy to cook? What’s got you all excited?”

“It’s our first time eating together.” Yiyoung continued to chop the vegetables.
“It’s a small matter, but for some reason, I feel excited.”

Muyeol rested his chin on one hand and continued to observe her.
She had lost weight, perhaps due to all the night shifts she had covered.
It could not have been easy, and yet somehow, she had managed to regain all that energy.

She was still the same Shitty Yoon.
The word ‘surrender’ did not exist in her dictionary.
She might stumble a few times along the road, but no matter what, she always achieved her goal.
That was just who Yoon Yiyoung was. 

Soon, she placed a bowl of delicious looking ramen in front of him.
“Even if it’s not good, please enjoy it.”

Muyeol chose not to respond, maneuvering his chopsticks to slurp up the noodles.
Yiyoung stared at him with wide eyes.

“Why?” he questioned her gaze.

“Somehow, it felt like I was witnessing a historical moment while watching you eat.
I thought you only enjoyed nice, crisp air and the morning dew.”

“What am I, an insect?”

“I was convinced you were.”

“Okay.
Why don’t you eat?”

Yiyoung began to scarf down her bowl of ramen, slurping up the long noodles without breaking them.
And like it often did, the ramen got stuck in her throat.
She choked, trying to cough up the noodle stuck in her throat.

Muyeol stared at her pathetic state for a brief moment, then grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and poured it into a cup.
“You really need someone to look after you all the time.
How did you even manage to survive alone?”

Yiyoung downed the cup of water.
“You already know.”

“You lived desperately,” said Muyeol.

“No, I lived eagerly.” This time, Yiyoung twirled the noodles around her chopsticks to ensure her safety, topping it off with a kimchi. 

She relished the dish, acting as if she was devouring a dish from the special menu of a five star hotel.
“Ah, it feels like I’m eating the best dish in the world!” 

Muyeol shook his head, but Yiyoung continued to eat without feeling ashamed.

“It’s strange how the same food tastes a million times better when I eat with someone else.
Whenever I eat alone, it feels like I feed myself just to survive, but eating with someone else makes me feel alive.”

Yiyoung understood her own feelings better as she explained it to him.
When she was living alone, she didn’t even know she was lonely.
She hadn’t known the meaning of living with another person.
Her lack of experience did not let her realize how much she missed having another person in her life.