The Reason I Keep Avoiding My Childhood Friend

know in advance that we would be having a time like this, I would have thought of something to say.

Even Father who had called me was silent as if he had nothing to say.
As soon as our eyes met, my body trembled reflexively.

I feel like I have to say something, but if I spend time like this, I feel like I’m going to suffocate.
But my head is empty and I don’t know what to say.
And what if I open my mouth and say what Father doesn’t like to hear? Won’t I be scolded for being noisy?

I was anxious.
I really didn’t know what to do.
I wasn’t even getting scolded, but I felt like I was going to cry.
I couldn’t look up because I couldn’t guess what kind of cold words would come out when I met Father’s gaze.
I got short of breath.

As I was suppressing my emotions like that, I heard the sound of the teacup rattling as it got put down.
Startled by the sound, I reflexively trembled.

“You can go.”

Father gave me permission to go.
I lowered my head and walked cautiously out of the suffocating space.
The moment the door closed and I was cut off from Father, my legs gave out, but I persevered.
I forced myself to walk.

As soon as I returned to the bedroom and was alone, I quickly covered my eyes with the back of my arm, feeling that the tears I had been holding back would flow down.

It was such a stupid, pathetic time.

* * *

After meeting Father, I was in a daze for a while.
I was annoyed because it was stupid and wasteful to spend such time.

In addition, he said that we would have regular time together in the future.
I was breathless because I was worried about what to say this time when we were together again.
I was frustrated and could only sigh.
It was a problem even if I spent the time I wanted so much together.

“Is the little child coming today?”

Still, the little child was the only joy in my life.
These days, I was living for the fun of meeting and watching the little child.
She was grumpy, but it was cute to see her eat so well.
Ah, if the little child slapped me on the cheek, I would cheer up.

“Yes.
Oh, and the Grand Duke will be with you in the evening.”

“Again?”

I cried out immediately hearing the words Mrs.
Seryl delivered.
The excitement of anticipating the meeting subsided.
My throat is already clogged up.
My head hurts just having to spend that uncomfortable time.
I received news that was difficult to handle in the morning.