Sunshine Biscuit

The sun rises over the medium size city of Horror Lake, A lakeport city built in the gray mist of time positions somewhere between west America and Warsaw, Poland. Don mind the name either, Horror lake was named due to a humorous limerick from way back when. Yup, the most youll hear about in Horror lake would be about Farmer Hubbles pig being snatched or some delinquent vandals desecrating some old antique statue. Oh, and the killer bees. Can forget the killer bees.

Either way, let us observe the life of Horror lake in the eyes of its desidens. In a small suburban house. Posters of various musicians from all decades and generations lined the walls, broken by the shelves filled with her achievements. Trophies from Spelling bees, honor rolls, and debate teams filled the shelves on the wall. Shot by a beam of light is a single wooden acoustic guitar. A single hand swipes across her make-up desk.

SHELBY: Okay girl, just calm down, calm down. Its only high school, just your first day in high school. Remember what Mr. Smith told you about staying calm.

Her mind flashes back to when she was younger and first studying the guitar under his soft tutelage. Her fingers dumb and fidgety, clumsily playing the guitar. The more she tried, the more erratic her playing would become. It was the calming brown hand of Aaron Smith that helped her.

AARON: Shelby, the more nervous you get, the worse you
e bound to play. Stay calm, even when your stomach is filled with Butterflies. A true musician knows how to play even when under pressure. Thats the key to learning alright? To stay calm under pressure, under watchful eyes okay?

Shelby Kadawasky looks up at her wall, of the various men and women who had inspired her all her life. BB King and Elle Fitzgerald standing next to Bonnie Smith and Robert Smith from the cure. A tumble of curly blonde locks cascades down her face and onto her pink jacket and her pixies shirt. Bright red jeans and sneakers finished the ensemble. Suffice it to say, Shelby Kadawasky acts exactly how she looked.

SHELBY: (she claps her face lightly with both hands) Alright girl, its time to show the world who you are, whos large, metaphorically, and incharge! As the Romans once said, Carpe diem!

MRS. KADAWASKY: Kids, foods ready and I made you guys a big first day back to school breakfast but if your dad ends up eating all the waffles Im not going to replace them!

SHELBY: coming! Ill get Francis

Shelby walks down the hall towards her older brothers room where a dead kennedys poster is plastered on it. Inside the room was a disaster of Pro wrestling and gundam figures and, for one reason or another, Garfield stuff. Misfit and sex pistols posters line the wall. In the center, snoring like a dump truck, was a mass of arms, legs and a comforter angled in impossible ways atop the bed.

SHELBY: oh, the blissful sleep of caveman babes. SPEEDY!! WAKE UP!!

The mound of limbs and bedding writhe about till a protrusion sticks up under the comforter.

SPEEDY: wha? Whats going on? Fire? Is there a flash fire?

SHELBY: First day of school numb nuts and you
e still sleeping. (She pulls the comforter off her brother, revealing a head of spiky brown hair atop a half-asleep face) come on and get up.

SPEEDY: (looking at his garfield clock) but its only seven thirty. (He flops back into a sleeping position.) You need to learn that no one gives two craps about high school. (He nestles his head back on the pillow with his eyes closed.) youll realize soon enough that high school amounts to the same thing as middle school and elementary school. Me? My future lies on being a circus freak or construction.

SHELBY: Well, mom just happened to make a big breakfast for us Peanuthead, waffles and bacon and if you don get down there quick enough dadll go warthog mode on a lot of it.

SPEEDY: Bacon crispy bacon!! (he rolls out of bed, still in his underpants, while struggling to put on his pants.) I gotta get ready before all the butters gone.

Shelby and Speedy run down stairs to find their mom and dad, Jules and Sherry, eating at the table. Jules reading the morning paper while drinking coffee as his wife Sherry, cigarette in her mouth and bathrobe on, pours herself a cup of coffee.

JULES: no more tiny biscuits left.

SPEEDY: Oh, come on! you ate them all?

JULES: You should know by now that, in this kitchen, we work by Viking rules; first come, first served and only the strong survive.

SHERRY: (sitting down with her cup and a plate of assorted breakfast foods) go ahead guys, theres more than enough. Make yourselves a plate.

The two make themselves a plate, Shelbys being proper, refined and delicate while Speedies is haphazard, mismatched and covered in syrup.

SHELBY: (looking at her brothers plate in disgust) why don you swallow it whole like a duck? Itll take you half the effort.

SPEEDY: Half the time I do do that, whats wrong with strategic eating?

SHELBY: It means you
e a caveman Speedy.

SHERRY: (while stirring her coffee) Francis, Shelby, not right in the morning, please. Lets at least pretend we
e a normal family.

The two begin eating in silence, the clatter of utensils scratching plates the only sounds. Shelby finally breaks the silence after remembering some info.

SHELBY: Oh mom, dad, Greg told me his parents want to have an old get together with you guys in the near future, like a BBQ or something. Said you guys haven seen each other in a long time and wanted to catch up.

JULE: (making a scowl) Greg Schmidt? Hugo Schmidts son!? Why the hell would I want to see that big green trash bag again!?

SHERRY: oh come on honey, we haven done our old shtick in years now and weve let bygones be bygones, at least the Schmidts have. Come on, Itll be fun!

JULES: Its the principle of the matter that counts. every time I see his stupid smug face I just want to punch him again.

SHERRY: Oh I don think thats a good idea, you remember what happened the last fifty times you tried it.

JULES: (mumbling to himself as he shuffles through his paper) lucky shots, nothing but lucky shots is all.

(Flashback)

Julian Kadawasky, the nefarious Wacky Wizard, cackles before his electric globe, dressed in a long red tunic over his elaborate advanced armor. He steps across the bridge of his Zeppelin, the Whiz-Banger, tossing his cape with a flourish over his shoulder and glares down at the city of Horror Lake

WACKY-WIZARD: look down at this complex contrive collection of conniving cowards and crowning curmudgeons, laying about while I, the Wacky Wizard, will soon lay claim to their entire wealth: the sheep farms! Without Horror Lakes major export, the entire city will soon devolve into savagery and dystopia which will allow me to swoop in and take control!!

SHERRY: (dressed as a cigarette girl) Jolly gee, what an amazing idea Mr. Wiz! Soon all their sheep will be gone and theres nothing that big dumb Gamma boy can do about it.

A figure slams through the blimps door. What stands up is something akin to the green power ranger in an elaborate cape. .

SUPER-ULTRA-GAMMA MAN: Not so fast, Wacky Wizard and his vile assistant Sherry Bomb. You can pull the wool over the eyes of the mayor but not with me.

SHERRY: drat! Its the big green trash bag!

WACKY WIZARD: Blasted Super Ultra Gamma Man, how did you know my plans!?

SUPER-ULTRA-GAMMA MAN: Why, elementary dear Wacky wiz, when you feigned that you had changed anew and wished to live a life of lawful citizenry, you forgot to remove your patent for your deceptive sheep magnet ray!

WACKY WIZARD: Blast and damnation! Wonder wiz brigade, after him!

Out from the corners of the room come a swarm of minions in lab coats and tricorn hats with rubber gloves flood into the room.

(end flashback)

SHERRY: you always have a problem with letting things go, hun.

JULES: (still reading his newspaper) can help it, Im a Cancer. We
e vindictive by nature.

A loud honk from outside cuts their convo short.

SHELBY: That should be greg. Come on Speedy. (She quickly gets up from her seat and throws her backpack on.)

SPEEDY: Hold on, Imma coming! (he then takes two waffles, puts the eggs and bacon in between and runs out with his breakfast sandwich.)

SHELBY: (staring disbelieving at her big brother as he runs off with his monstrosity in his hands. She turns back to her parents) hes gonna embarrass me at school, isn he?

SHERRY: Thats an older brothers job honey.

Outside the Kadawaskys home sits a red minivan, leaning against the van is a broad shouldered youth with long auburn hair in a black pilot jacket and blue jeans. Shelby walks out with Speedy while eats his makeshift waffle sandwich.

SHELBY: Hey Greg! Ready for our first day back?

GREG: not really Shelb. (He turns a slightly disgusted face towards speedy) uh, speedy, you
e not gonna eat that in my car, are you?

SPEEDY: Itll be fine!

GREG: but its gonna get crap all over the floor

SPEEDY: no it won . (Just as he says that, a big glob of egg, gristle and syrup all meshed into one gooey droplet falls down to the ground.)

GREG: (sighs) fine. We gotta hurry. Just try to not make too much of a mess.

SPEEDY: I promise nothing!

The group enters the car and starts off. Speedy in the back seat, eating his culinary concoctions while Shelby took seat in the passengers seat. Everyone Greg was going to pick up all lived within the same cul-de-sac where Greg lived farthest down the road. It was his job to pick everyone up since it would make no more than a complete circle.

GREG: Got some bad news, gotta pick up S.U.S with Baxter.

SHELBY: What!?

SPEEDY: Oh come on!

GREG: He has to get to school just like everyone else does guys. What else am I supposed to do?

SHELBY: Make him walk?

SPEEDY: make him fall into a hole somewhere?

SHELBY: make him hitchhike?

GREG: Hes Baxters twin brother, if we give Baxter a lift to school, we have to do the same with his brother.

SPEEDY: But hes evil!

GREG: Evil is a bit of a stretch, isn it?

SPEEDY: He tried to kill us!

SHELBY: multiple times.

GREG: kill is a bit of a stretch. Moreso kick us till we
e unconscious

SPEEDY: him and his stupid wolf pack or whatever he calls them keep trying to terrorize the school all the time!

SHELBY: Hes a mega level turd asshole who picks on everyone he calls eta-bitches.

SPEEDY: how about that one time when he grew that weird organic gun-arm?

GREG: yeah, that weird gun-arm thing was pretty creepy.

SHELBY: Hes also tried on multiple occasions to have tried to look up my dress.

GREG: Baxters done the exact same thing so you can lay the complete blame of S.U.S

SHELBY: eh, when Baxter does it, its kinda like that wacky neighbor scenario. When S.U.S does it, theres a weird child molester vibe to it. they both get clocked upside the head, but for different reasons.

SPEEDY: Hey, does Maria know about this?

GREG: Shell know soon enough.

Within a dark room, the only light being from the window, blocked by a long silk curtain while long candles, wax curls on all, line the night stands, armoire and makeup desk as posters of glam rockers of old stare down. The resident of this room, a young Mexican girl, places an assortment of small skulls and figurines into a purse at her waist. When done she turns to the body length mirror to examine herself. A long black dress, buckled at the waist by a black belt with frilled sleeves and puffy shoulders. She poses twice before taking a long brimmed floppy hat, sliding a broom into the darkness within and then placing it on her head.

MARIA: You lookin damn good, girl! (She exits her room and heads quickly down the stairs) going to school! Be back later! Have a good day!

DIEGO: Little Girl, come here before you leave!

MARIA: ah crap! (Rolling her eyes, she turns away from the front door and walks into the living room.) Yes dad?

Diego Santanna looked down at his daughter, a long black beard and bushy eyebrows covered much of his face. Imagine, if you will, a younger Gandalf who was also Mexican and moonlighted as a lounge singer. That was Marias father, Diego Santanna.

DIEGO: you are a woman now, little girl. your fifteenth year has passed many moons ago and soon the power gifted to you by your blood will grow stronger and stronger. Within you breathe the power of the Bruja, never forget that.

MARIA: don think I can, you remind me every day.

DIEGO: You talk like that, but one day you will understand completely the power that dwells within you, of the majica you hold. Long ago…

MARIA: Oh no, not again dad!

DIEGO: … when el fuego fought upon that ancient keep.

MARIA: (putting her fingers in her ears.) don wanna hear! Lalala! Don wanna hear it! I already heard this stupid story

DIEGO: … and the only ones left to fight the darkness was

MARIA+DIEGO: Joseph smith and our own great ancestor Luiz Ramirez Santanna, the greatest wizard of his age.

MARIA: I know dad, I get it, Ive heard it a billion times.

DIAGO: an insullent little girl we have here. (he bends down and pulls out a giant old tomb, covered in dust, and slams it down on the table.) I think its time for a little history lesson.

MARIA: Oh no! Oh no! Sorry dad, I gotta go! Theres an army of rabid diabetic lobsters outside and I gotta make sure they don corrupt the children! Adios! (she runs out and slams the door behind her. Maria walks up to the front of her house waiting for Greg and while turning left to see her best friend of nearly a decade, she sees a sight she wished she never saw and groans.) Oh come on! No no no no. Seriously?

Standing outside the house next to hers, which features a broken down tracker and an old tv on the front lawn stands two young men nearly identical to each other except their attire: Baxter in his denim jacket with black rimmed glasses and jeans, blond hair a mess while the second twin, S.U.S, wore an entire business suit and sunglasses, white and immaculate, his blond hair slicked back. They stood looking away from each other, arms crossed.

BAXTER: Not my fault. Want to blame anyone, blame mom. She said since we
e carpooling we all need to go in the same car. Said its for family bonding.

MARIA: Can you two bond somewhere where I don have to see his ugly face? Like family therapy or a prison cell?

S.U.S: Hey, its not like I enjoy this anymore than you little pricks. Sharks don hang with bottom feeders, which you two are. Plus, you cramp my swag ability.

BAXTER: Swag abilities, you mean being the mean girls little bitch?

S.U.S: You mean socializing with high quality women is what you mean, right? Soon enough Ill be dripping in poon when they detect my alpha male energy while you, the prawn, wallow at the bottom of the status totem pole.

BAXTER: Yeah, keep saying that. Enjoy the next twelve restraining orders, I think you
e on the way to breaking the new record.

MARIA: (leaning over the fence) Can we just lock him in a box and say we took him to school with us?

BAXTER: Remember, we tried that before. He just got out and we had to do community service afterwards.

MARIA: (smiling) Oh yeah! I still remember his high pitch screams when we threw him in the lake.

S.U.S: it wasn funny.

BAXTER: It was very funny

MARIA: Baxter, don take offense but I really wish your mom had a smart coat hanger about 16 years ago which could pull out one specific fetus.

BAXTER: No biggy, sometimes I wish she did too.

Gregs minivan finally stops by both of their houses. As they start walking up to the van, Baxter stops S.U.S.

BAXTER: oh no, you
e not driving in the front with us, you
e hopping in the trunk.

S.U.S: what did you just say to me? I can understand guppy talk

BAXTER: its either that or we tether a bicycle to the bumper while we hedge our bets to see how long you last.

S.U.S: I, of all people, will NOT be degraded like that, you little beta-male punk!

BAXTER: you hop in the trunk like a good boy or you
e gonna be eating out of a trash bag!!

S.U.S: Id like to see you try! (he tackles Baxter in the stomach, who starts punching him in the back)

BAXTER: Lets see how good those self help seminars do when you got all your permanent teeth in your throat!

Baxter pushes S.U.Ss head into the window, as Greg just stares forward blankly and sighs a deep, meaningful sigh.

SHELBY: Will you two act your age for once!? Stop embarrassing everyone and just get in the car.

After that confrontation, they proceed down the road to school after seating arrangements were finally agreed upon: S.U.S. in the second row of seats, his arms folded with an annoyed face while Maria takes up the left passenger seat, Speedy the right, and Baxter the middle.

GREG: see? Was it that complicated to do? Did it hurt anyone?

BAXTER: my pride

MARIA: my dignity.

GREG: oh, I know you guys had neither of those to begin with.

Baxter looks at the breakfast sandwich Speedy was eating.

BAXTER: Speedy, have I ever told you you have an amazing gift of making any form of food completely unappetizing?

SPEEDY: you
e just jealous of my genius invention aren you?

BAXTER: Maybe Guy Fieris jealous, not me.

GREG: Changing subject! Is anyone excited to be going back?

BAXTER+SPEEDY+MARIA+S.U.S: No!!

BAXTER: You know this is all simply a scam? Its a psychotic cross between a daycare and a prison except in either of those you get the thin vein hope something good will happen to be on the horizon.

MARIA: Im not looking forward to hearing all the damn weirdo gossip they
e gonna spread about me. You invite some people to your Quinceanera and they start gobbling nonsense about it.

GREG: to be fair Maria, it was an odd birthday party.

SPEEDY: I liked it, it reminded me of the ending to Raiders of the Lost ark!

S.U.S: how come I wasn invited?

BAXTER: (leaning his head back to look at him) well, thats because we hate you.

GREG: Oh come on, Its Shelbys first day in high school! Shes excited, aren ya?

SHELBY: Of course! Think about all the opportunities and extracurricular activities well be able to join and do! Drama, music, art. Theres also the advanced classes Ill be able to apply for and I know Horror Lake High allows college classes. I wanted to take some so I could increase my SAT score to get into a better college. Also, Ive heard the Library is one of the largest in the tri-county area!

Everyone stares at Shelby blankly, as if she just threw up a tap dancing monkey in front of them.

BAXTER: Oh God, this is gonna be my life for the foreseeable future.

SPEEDY: Hey! Don knock my sister man!

BAXTER: I will when dribble like that comes out of it!

SHELBY: (turns back around and mumbles to herself) next time Ill make sure to talk about monster trucks or something on your pyon brain level.

They finally arrive at the three story building known as Horror Lake High School. An old antiquated building with many other high school students milling about the campus like dogeared whipped welps waiting for their master to let them in so they may be whipped even more. The gang exit out of the car and proceed to the main grounds, Shelby walking quickly in a huff.

SPEEDY: Hey Shelby, wait up. You know car etiquette, you dont head out unless everyones together.

SHELBY: Speedy, this is my first day and I just want to make a good impression. Im already super jittery due to being in a new school, let alone due to skipped a grade forward and being a year younger than everyone else, I don need you spazzing out or Baxter and Maria coming up with some cockamamie plot to steal my school books or something.

SPEEDY: why? Everyone knows you
e my sister.

SHELBY: Thats bad enough Speedy, and I wish there is an alternative but theres not. So could you and everyone just hold up making me like just one of you guys?

SPEEDY: oh, come on. Why would you.. (speedy notices something on the ground) Oh! A Quarter!

As Speedy bends down to pick up his new find, a honking school bus comes barreling down Speedys way. Unable for neither to move out of the way, the bus collides with him and Speedys thin frame smooshes the bus like an accordion on collision. Greg, Baxter and Maria walk past the accident as if nothing out of the ordinary happened.

BAXTER: typical

MARIA: eh, 7 out of 10

GREG: ya know they dont grow on trees right Speedy.

SPEEDY: Im sorry, I didn mean to. (to the demolished Bus) everyone okay in there?

S.U.S: thats why youll never make it to the big life.

The entirety of the high school funnels into the basketball court for the morning announcement by principal Haberman about the new school year theyll be embarking upon. Speedy and the gang make their way up to the top of the bleachers while Shelby, still wishing to make a good impression, sits closer down by the academic kids. Principle Haberman, an old plump black gentleman with eyes made for being worried wiped at his forehead for the thousandth time

HABERMAN: Good morning classes of Horror Lake High! A new year has begun, a new year of learning, of friendships and opportunities, and hopefully not a new year of horrifying practical jokes ( he stares up at Greg and the gang) or any horrifying life-or-death situations. (he looks at S.U.S. and his little group of friends). Hopefully this new year will be bright and virtuous rather than a bleak and horrible one. The football fields finally have been fixed and soon enough well start a sign up for anyone who wishes to join the new and improved Horror Lake nightmares!

Though, due to the funds needed for fixing the field, the new uniforms and equipment, we needed to cut back on music, band, the arts, high level sciences and the Astronomy wing has been shut down. On to other news, we*

Haberman was cut off as the hall started shaking, shaking and rattling, the lights flickering on and off and a cavernous hole billowing with violent winds and violet lights seeped up in the ground. Spirits flow out with howling wails of sorrow and despair. The walls begin to drip crimson blood out from the woodwork, forming the words ”you will all die young ”.

HABERMAN: hey! Hey! HEY! Quit that and shut up for a goddamn second! Im talking! ( the hall quiets down, the cavernous hole closes up and the ghosts disperse.) Thank you very much. As I was saying….

Midday comes by quickly as the lunch bell rings in the school. Greg waits for Shelby by the cafeteria line and leads her to their typical table, far to the end of the school shaded by a large old oak tree next to the parking lot, a steel fence surrounding the school. The rest of the gang sits there, Speedy with a monstrosity of a sandwich yet more interested in his Switch at the moment, Maria with a plethora of side dishes and no main course while Baxter just sits there watching the rest of them eat, taking an interest in Speedys game.

SHELBY: (to Baxter) you didn bring anything for lunch?

GREG: Bax never brings anything for lunch.

BAXTER: Lunch is simply a marketing tool meal made by corporate assholes.

GREG: what isn a conspiracy to you?

SHELBY: (looks around the lunch area, making sure no one could overhear them) I think the schools haunted.

BAXTER: Yeah, no shit.(turns back to watching speedy play his game) Oh come on, Speedy, don use a heal in this turn, you
e wasting mana!

SHELBY: You know its haunted?

GREG: you didn know it was haunted?

SPEEDY: Why do you think they locked down the entire thing at night?

SHELBY: I just assumed it was to discourage vandals.

BAXTER: You should know better, when has a locked door disparaged us from getting into someplace?

SHELBY: And you guys were perfectly fine with the place being haunted!?

BAXTER: Meh, it is what it is. No, man! Don switch out Esquabar, hes got spells thatll help!

SPEEDY: I used up all of his mana.

BAXTER: Well thats your problem, you
e probably not gonna win this round now and going to have to start all over.

SHELBY: shouldn we try and stop it? Or at least try to send the spirits to the other side or something? This could end up causing a lot of problems down the line.

BAXTER: Oh, like what?

Three tables away from them, the table suddenly opens into a thousand toothed vortex, sucking in a wailing and crying student down within its abyss.

BAXTER: Oh that was Howard, no ones gonna miss him.

Suddenly a black mustang drives up right next to the fence and large oak tree. this was one of the main reasons why they sat in this area for lunch. Coming out of the drivers side seat comes an embodiment of rebellious youth. Long black hair framing a pale face with black eyeliner with too many piercings while wearing a metallica shirt, shorts with fishnets and boots useful only for shuffling stumbling steps. She was the definition of daddy issues.

EMILY: Beep beep beep mother**ers!

SHELBY: Can you even climb the fence in those shoes?

EMILY: Lets try and see! (Emily jumps on the fence and slowly, struggling, to climb over it) Okay, okay, I think I got this. I got this! (She ends up slipping on the descent and falls) I don ! I don ! (She flops down on her butt. She springs up as if nothing happened) I, uh, meant to do that.

MARIA: Did ya bring the hotdogs?

EMILY: hotdogs and something even better: (she pulls a bag filled with bottle rockets and fireworks out of her purse) fireworks! found them in the back of a chinese shop. Looks like they expired but who gives a shit! Lets toss them at cars on the interstate, Whos with me?

SHELBY: (with a flat look) Sadly no, I don want to be an accomplice to a felony thank you.

MARIA: oh, you
e like a fun succubus, you know that?

SHELBY: Excuse me?

MARIA: A fun succubus. You suck it all out of everything we do like a 2 dollar whore in a back alleyway.

SHELBY: Sorry if I don find putting innocent drivers in danger is fun.

EMILY: Oh, no ones gonna be in danger. Just skid about and curse at whoever shot them. You never did it before, pantsuit? (She starts dividing the hotdogs amongst the gang)

BAXTER: Oh come on Shelb, nobody ever gets hurt. Well, not hurt too much.

SHELBY: count me out on this one guys. (To Emily) Emi, sometimes I think you
e a bad influence on these guys.

EMILY: Oh, and you
e a good influence?

BAXTER: Emilys a rebel without a cause, an easy rider, five easy pieces. Lets be fair, theres not much to do in this godforsaken hellhole so lets have some fun and goof around. Furthermore, you never complained about Emi before being a bad influence.

SHELBY: she didn hang out with us, she was babysitting us and making sure we weren getting killed.

EMILY: just want to correct one thing: you guys almost got me killed far more times than vice versa. Got that?

The doors of the gymnasium swing open, a howling scream of monstrous horror echoes out, the doorway transforming into a monstrous throat of teeth and tentacles and then slams closed again.

SHELBY: I really think we should do something about this poltergeist. Its giving me the heeby jeebys

EMILY: oh, the place is still haunted? I thought they fixed that a few years back. Are there still those giant gaping mouths in the second floor ladies room? Those things creeped me out.

MARIA: why bother? It gives the school a type of personality. Most schools are just stuffy mothball filled relics of the past but ours is like some metalhead singer doped out on a line of cocaine cut with bath salts. Its kinda fun

SHELBY: kinda fun!? Its eating people!

MARIA: Well, not important people.

BAXTER: What are you expecting us to do? Cure the school of its haunting problem?

SHELBY: Well, yeah (everyone groans) Oh, come on, what is it?

BAXTER: you always haul us into these stupid dumb situations where we have to save the town from one thing or the other like we
e the goonies or the Maguire twins.

SHELBY: I think you
e confusing the Maguire twins with the bobbsey twins Bax.

MARIA: remember when we had to shut down the hotdog plant because someone didn like the fact that they were being made out of manatees?

BAXTER: or that time you and greg decided it was for a
oble cause to stop those terrorists from taking over the airport?

SHELBY: Its not like I want to do this crap! All I said was maybe we should because we can.

BAXTER: everytime we stick our necks out and save the town from something, it always ends up biting us in the ass in the end. I just want to act like a typical teenager: getting drunk, getting high and doing things Ill regret later on in life. Can you just allow us to live, girl?

SHELBY: well, when the stupid school comes and takes something away from you thats important, dont come crying to me about it. We could have prevented it before it happened.

BAXTER: oh, thats just silly. Nothing like thats gonna *

Thats when the picnic table suddenly transformed into a thing of nightmares, tendrils sliding out of the gaping hole covered in sharp fierce teeth where eyes down its vicious guillot stares up at the gang as its tentacles slither and slide around Speedys body. The gang, and Speedys own strength, broke the apparitions hold but the switch itself fell into the cavernous mouth. The cavern laughs a gurgling chuckle then vanishes as if it never existed before.

SPEEDY: no! My Bingbing Wahoo!! I was almost at Azileth!

BAXTER: (his hands on his head in panic) This is a catastrophe! We gotta save the precious Switch! That was a limited edition zelda-plated copy

MARIA: how deep does this hellbound hellhouses evil go?

SPEEDY: we gotta find a way to exercise the school from the evil spirit! Greg, do you think your dad has anything that can help fight against a haunting?

GREG: Probably somewhere in the house. Hes taken on enough ghosts and apparitions before.

MARIA: Im gonna go and check my familys library. They might have a grimoire about how to fight against evil spirits like this!

BAXTER: hey Emi, mind giving me and Maria a lift. Dillons a tech savvy guy and Im sure if anyone knows how to fight a ghost itd be him.

EMILY: oh, I forgot I was just your guys mindless chauffeur to drive you all over the place. I just wanted to see if you guys wanted to set things on fire or not.

MARIA: Oh, you weren gonna do anything other than throw fireworks at passing cars. This way, we get to throw fireworks hopefully at a ghost.

SPEEDY: Lets stop wasting time! Every moment we waste talking, the battery loses power!

GREG: Best if you come with me Speedy. (To Shelby) you coming with us Shelb?

SHELBY: I hate everything and everyone in this stupid town.

GREG: Is that a yes or a no?

SHELBY: Fine fine fine! Lets fight the stupid possessed ghost and get Speedy stupid game boy.

SPEEDY: Its not a game boy. Its a switch madam! A limited edition zelda plated switch!

BAXTER: Which makes everything far more dire!

EMILY: (sighs) why can anything with you guys just be simple getting drunk and high. Fine. (She slowly starts climbing the fence)

SPEEDY: Why are you doing that? (Speedy grips the fence in the middle and tears a hole big enough for all them to exit out of) There, see?

I think its about time to explain to you how and why Speedy is able to do such mind numbing feats of durability and strength. You see, at the age of 9, poor little Speedy accidentally found himself stuck in a washing machine for an entire day, surviving simply on a day-old slice of pizza he had found in an old pair of pants of his. After that tragic event, Francis Speedy ” Kadawasky discovered he had developed superhuman strength and invulnerability.

EMILY: That still freaks me out whenever I see you do something like that. (She walks through the fence as if it were made of snakes)

GREG: Youve seen him do that a billion times before Emi.

EMILY: Doesn mean I get used to it

SHELBY: (to speedy) You do realize how much property damage you cause all the time while doing this right?

BAXTER: Oh lay off him Shelby, its just a fence. Hes hulkbusted far far worse than that.

EMILY: The more yapping, the less likely well get Speedys gamboy back.(she goes to the drivers side seat of the mustang and gets.) cmon blondie, cmon squirt, lets get this show on the road.

MARIA: I call shotgun!

SHELBY: now wait a sec* (shelby starts to feel a sharp pain in her temples, a psychic attack she hasn felt before. They young girl sways and faints down, luckily in the arms of Greg, Speedy quickly coming to her side.)

GREG: Shelby, are you okay? Is everything alright!?

SHELBY: Im okay. Im fine. (She slowly gets back to her feet) just had a severely bad psychic attack. Whatevers possessing this school is somehow really really pissed and it seems like its pissed at us.

SPEEDY: Us? Why us? We
e just a bunch of lovable scamps!

SHELBY: I don know why but I have a suspicion. (She turns to greg) Greg, stop by Aarons Music Shop while we
e going to your place.

GREG: Aarons shop? But why?

SHELBY: Just a hunch. Aarons got something I think will help us with the ghost.

I guess this is also a good time to explain Shelbys little attack right there. Well, truth be told, Shelby is a psychic, an extraordinarily powerful psychic, whos able to shoot mind bullets or make force fields, lift up wacky things and even read minds if she listens hard enough. No, she was not born as such, but was gifted due to an accident. You see, when Speedy fell into the washing machine at such a young age, Shelby, trying to save her brother, accidentally fell into the drying machine and survived for 8 entire hours, keeping her sanity by reciting the entirety of the H.M.S. Pentifor, figuring out how accurate her recital of the play was and reciting it again, trying to be more accurate than last time.

Due to this tragic event, Shelby has developed high level psychic powers most charlatan performers would dream about.

The gang splits in two parties, one in gregs Minivan while the other in Emilys Mustang. The high school stood ready for what was instore for it.

Emilies mustang shows up between Maria and Baxters places. The two leap out the passenger side doors and run to their respective homes. Emily stands besides her car and stares blankly at the two rushing into their houses.

EMILY: Mom always liked lakes, thats why we moved here. Not like theres not a thousand lakes to live by….

Baxter runs up his stairs, pulls down the stairs to the attic and runs into his room. On the book shelf filled with comics, dirty mags and Books on grecian philosophy is the hilt to his fathers memento, a keepsake his mother gave him: an energy blade.

He remembered when he was first gifted it and his stepfather, Carlos Gomez, decided he couldn just have it without learning how to use it so took him to the best blademaster of all of Cuba.

(Flashback)

Baxter is panting, sweat dripping down his face and struggling to his feet. A thin blade slashes down beside him.

KABRANO: You did good to survive this long gringo, but it takes more than that to survive the trials and tribulations that lay before you. To wear a blade is to know a blade, and to know a blade is to be one with a blade and you know none of that martial marriage, at least not yet. (The blade swishes away from his face.) But you are lucky, for before you stand the best swordsman in all of Cuba (Baxter turns to look at his sword master: an anthropomorphic Goat in old colonial garbs.) The singing sword, the flamenco of the deadly dance itself, I, Kabrano Debergerac, la Bota Poderosa! And I, Kabrano debergerac, the singing sword himself, have decided that you shall be my newest pupil, due to the debt I owe your stepfather. One day your blade will be famous around the world but today you need to learn and train as extensively as possible! Stand up gringo and fight me like a man!

(ends flashback)

Baxter makes his way downstairs and hauls ass out the front door.

Maria looks through the three large bookcases filled to the brim with black leatherbound tombs of ill dispute. Using the light of a candle she looked around, bouncing on the heels of her feet.

MARIA: exorcism…exorcism…ghosts ghosts ghosts…..Mom!! Do we have any grimoires on exercising ghosts?

Like a whisp floating on the winds, a tall bewitching lady with long silky black hair and pale skin comes wafting into the room.

ANGELICA: What is it you wish for my beloved daughter?

MARIA: looking for a book on exorcism and possession. I can find one and I know we have one, Dad and uncle Hector were talking about it a few weeks back.

ANGELICA: ah, I believe you are thinking about (a black tomb with the pearl white skull emblazon on the cover.) Danza de los muertos, a very arcane and valuable tomb of mighty power. Use it wisely my little Fresa.

MARIA: don call me that! (she grabs the book and starts running out of the house.) probably be late for dinner, don wait up for me!

Both Maria and Baxter run out of their houses at the same time and head towards the car, Emily looking annoyed to say the least.

EMILY: easy with the doors twerps, this is my brothers car. Please be careful.

BAXTER: Actually, ya bring up a good point, think we can ask Dillon for some help?

EMILY: Dillon? Oh no, last time he came to help you guys out he was transformed into an octopus!

MARIA: Well I told him to watch out for the backdraft didn I?

EMILY: doesn change the fact that he had eight arms for two weeks.

BAXTER: Either way, Id like to see if he can at least give us some form of help Emi.

EMILY: *sigh* fine but I doubt hell be that thrilled to help out. He still talks about what it felt like having a beak.

Greg, Shelby and Speedy find themselves in front of Gregs luxury house: three stories tall with golden lions guarding the home. It was the richest looking house in the Cul-De-Sac, specifically to house the cities greatest superhero

As the three of them enter the living room they find Gregs father sitting on the sofa, smoking jacket on even though he never smoked.

HUGO: oh, Gregory! You seem to be home early today. Why, if it isn little Francis and Shelby with you! Did you by chance tell your dad about our little cookout in two weeks? I haven seen your parents in such a long time.

SHELBY: Told my dad about it. Didn seem too thrilled though.

HUGO: Id figure so. Ya know, I never knew how he got the money for that dirigible.

GREG: Dad, sorry but we don have that much time to talk about that right now. Do you have any books or scrolls about exercising ghosts? We need to get rid of the ones haunting the school.

HUGO: hmm, I believe I do actually. ( Hugo turns to the bookcase and pulls down on the candlestick, activating the bookcase to slowly slide back to reveal a glass case filled with oddities and weird weapons.) lets see. possession…..extraction….imbuing…Ahha! Exorcism! ( he pulls out an old cracked leather bound book and hands it to Greg.) Just so you know, thisll only work on european and latin ghosts. I don know how itll do on asian ones.

GREG: Thanks a ton dad! We really need it! (they start to head back out of the house.)

HUGO: hold on there boy. (he kicks off his slipper.) Are you genuinely fighting a haunting?

GREG: Well, yeah. The schools been haunted for a while now.

HUGO: Huh, I thought we got that fixed at the last PTA meeting. But, If you
e genuinely going after a haunting, we need to see if you have what it takes to tangle against a haunted school. (Hugo schmidt starts heading to the backyard)

GREG: Dad! Not now! We got important things to do!

HUGO: no buts boy, backyard! Now!

Greg sighs and proceeds to the back yard, Speedy and Shelby following, interested in watching a fight against the two. Gregs dad takes off his smoking jacket and stares his son down.

GREG: Dad, do we really gotta do this? Speedy and Shelby are watching.

Hugo doesn answer but simply stances, a wild blaze of electricity trailing about him in a fury. Greg rolls his eyes and stances as well, the same blaze of electric lights and currents flowing about him. Hugo Schmidt hollars and leaps into the air in a dragon kick, Greg dodges with relative ease and countering with a punch to the stomach. His father, anticipating the move, cartwheels out of the way and unleashes a horizontal chop, throwing a blazing eclectic wave of energy at his son.

Greg does a patented neo dodge but is confronted by his father in a flurry of dazzling lightning-imbed punches. Greg blocks each one and goes for a roundhouse kick, which his father dodges and counters with a head kick, which Greg blocks with his forearm. They continue with their sparring until Hugo throws Greg over his shoulder and goes for a downward thrust punch on his laying defenseless, which stops inches from his face.

Hugo pulls back and stands up, allowing Greg to get to his feet. Hugo nods approvingly as Greg dusts himself off.

HUGO: You have shown great improvement in your electric karate Greg. you are still rough around the edges and you have quite a long way to go before you are truly skilled. But, for right now, though, its good enough. ( he pulls his smoking jacket back on) you may go, my son. Take care. Give that haunting a deck in the face for me.

Speedy, Shelby and Greg walk back to the van

GREG: frickin finally.

SHELBY: (getting in the passenger side seat in a hurry.) Remember we need to stop at Mr.Smiths place.

GREG: I don know Shelb, (gets into the driver side seat and buckles up.) last time he came with us he wasn what youd call thrilled with the experience.

SHELBY: He has something that might prove a hunch I have.

SPEEDY: Prove what?

SHELBY: Why the ghost hates us so much.

Emilys car slowly drives up to a neon lit mechanic shop working late in the day. As the mustang approaches the garage, a grease monkey slides out from.under a toyota and stands up, wiping the grease from.his hands. His shaggy black hair, soul patch and piercings show the dysfunctional family resemblance between him and Emily.

DILLON: hey M, your home early, thought you were going out with the tykes to chuck racoons at cars or something.

EMILY: you
e probably not gonna be happy with me.

Baster and Maria pop out of the car. It takes Dillon a few seconds to realize whats happening and a sheer wave of terror and horror covers his face.

DILLON: oh no, please no, not again! I still have nightmares about last time.

MARIA: Oh shut up about that! That was, like, six years ago. Im a lot better now.

DILLON: Easy for you to say, you never felt what its like to have a beak!

BAXTER: Come on, you
e Dr. Scuzzybums best student, you know how to check for that echo plasma shit better than most other people. We
e gonna need your doohickey knowledge.

DILLON: ecto what? What doohickeys are you talking about?

BAXTER: The high schools haunted.

DILLON: Yeah, so?

BAXTER: It stole Speedys Switch and he was at the final boss in Eternal Fantasy 8, right at Azileth!

DILLON: oh? All you gotta do is use Cure-all each turn then keep having Hakato use dirge swipe.

BAXTER: Holy crap I didn even think about that!

MARIA: Its all in vain if we don get the game boy back!

DILLON: Why don you just buy another Switch and a copy of the game?

BAXTER: you don understand; its a limited edition Zelda plated game boy! You can replace it!

DILLON: oh, well that changes everything.

BAXTER: really?

DILLON: no.

MARIA: oh come on, we just need you to find where the spirit is, Ill be incharge of everything else.

DILLON: (sighs) hold on, ill be right back. (he goes into the junk shop, leav