Pandora’s Box

silence.

“My grandfather was ill for quite some time, and we were all very nervous.
He is recovering well now, but whenever I look at him, I always feel that one less day is gradually passing day by day.”

I felt that his life was heavy.

I couldn’t help but say, “But you are still so young.”

He paused before replying, “I have to grow up quickly.”

I suddenly didn’t have the heart in me to continue playing games anymore.
I secretly told DV that I would save my spot and continue tomorrow night.
It didn’t matter if I didn’t earn the red envelope.
DV expressed that he understood.

“Aren’t you playing?”

“Um.”

After a brief moment, he said, “I’m sorry, I affected your mood.”

“No, no, no,” I quickly denied he did such a thing, “I was tired of gaming and I wanted to talk to you.”

He sent another laughing emoticon.

“= = …..” I said, “I have several sets of emoticons here.
I recommend that you download them.”

“Oh…..”

“Speaking of it, your father, does he not help out?”

“After the divorce, my father is completely cut off from my mother’s family,” he explained, “So my father can’t take over.
He also has poor health so he doesn’t have the mental and spiritual capacity to keep up.”

“Then, do you hate your father??”

“No, I have a very good relationship with my father,” he mentioned after a brief moment, “Actually, my parents are very good people and love me greatly.
After they divorced, they kept in touch with one another as friends until…”

“What?”

He didn’t continue on with his train of thought, but said, “They are destined, but maybe it’s just they chose the wrong path in getting together.”

Hearing him say that, I felt relieved for him.
Although he had an incomplete family, there was at least love.
This was a much better situation than my parents who were failures like me.

“Then, do you plan to come back to live with your father?” Even though they were legally alienated, it would still feel different to come back to someone who can be called “Dad” at home.

“Truthfully, I seldom return back to him,” he said.

“Why?”

He didn’t speak.
I suddenly had a moment of realization, “He has formed a new family, hasn’t he?”

“Um.”

Damn, I could understand that well enough.
Originally, I still thought about my dad from time to time, since I only had such a dad left.
Yet, when he was with that Cheng Yichen, I was not at ease to stay with them peacefully.

He said, “We’ve met, but mostly outside.”

I felt sympathy for him and wanted to pet his head.
I understood that even if you had a place to call your own, you could still feel homeless.

I could only express my unhappiness in an attempt to try to make him feel content.

“Honestly, my parents are also divorced when I was young,” I said, “They are still alive, but after they divorced, I never saw my mother again.”

I sighed, “I really don’t remember what she looks like and she doesn’t care about what kind of person I’ve become.”

He also sent a sighing emoji.

= = This guy was really updating his emojis obediently.

“Speaking of it, do your parent’s argue frequently?”

He said, “Not really.
As far as I can remember, they got along harmoniously.
They never quarreled once, not even loudly.”

I was surprisingly skeptical, “Then why did they get divorced?”

“Probably because it wasn’t the right person.
There were feelings, but not love.”

“Is it not enough to have feelings?” I felt like I could never understand marriage and love.
“I can’t figure out why your parents divorced, just like how I can’t figure out why my parents got married — they didn’t just quarrel when they meet.
They always spoke with guns blazing at each other like yin and yang.
In fact, it’s better for them to be far away from each other so the world can be more peaceful.”

After a beat, I continued to say, “And they don’t love me at all.”

“There are no parents who do not love their children.”

I was instantly enraged, “That’s because you didn’t experienced it!”

“…..”

“If you’ve never experienced it yourself, you think that they don’t exist? You can eat and eat every single day, but you think no one else has the capacity to be hungry?”

“……”

“Some people just shouldn’t be born because no one wants him to be born! His existence was not welcomed from the start, and every second spent existing was useless!”

After a moment of silence, he apologized, “Sorry.”

I suddenly felt utterly vulnerable.
For the first time, I felt like I really wanted to cry.

He asked, “Are you crying?”

“…..”

“I feel very sorry for you.”

“…..”

I didn’t continue to say anything more.
After a while, he sent an emoji of a rabbit hugging another rabbit.

My heart soured, and also softened.

Even he was in a better situation than me, he also had it hard.
It was not a happy life.
We both didn’t have a normal family, nor a complete fatherly and motherly love.
It seemed we, extremely lonely critters, could only warm each other up.

Before I fell asleep, I wondered vaguely, would he really hug me if he was right next to me?